17 august 2012

Things are going, not sure where but i just follow the path put before me. Had an interview today, all went well and i am hopeful. College is progressing and well it's school. Want to say a lot more here but some feel the need to censor me so i put in a word document and save for later. when i write my book it will go in so i don't forget. I am well as can be for being stuck in new york. summer is fading fast and winter will be here before you know it. what can i do? deal with it and live my life i guess. so good day to all and enjoy :) huggles

7 august 2012

why do i cry? is it for the loss? is it for love? no, it's for being forgotten. left behind to live my own life. it sucks but hey i move forward and try to forget. but i can't forget. i can't let go. my love, my be all, end all gave up on me. didn't try to break down the wall. i cry for the kids, i cry for what could have been. i cry for what should have been. another birthday gone by, hers, and i feel it. the loss and the hurt of not being there when i should have been. it all comes crashing down on me. crushing me and suffocating. why? i take the blame. i own up to my failure. still the pain rips through me like a sword on a warm summers day.spilling my blood on the field. i lay bleeding and defenseless. i beg to my god to take me, no answer. go figure!!! am i forced to suffer?  what am i to do? i play nice and don't stir trouble. only to get shit thrown back at me. why? what is the end result? i do not know? i live my life and try to forget. some days are better then others. maybe, just maybe the disease will take me. leave me to wither away to nothing. i can only hope and death take me, quickly. but that is not the case. i suffer everyday and bear the pain. so be it life bring it, i'll take it and make me stronger. i will not be beaten down. i will get back up and go forward. as long as there is a breath in me i will continue to fight. bring it, try me all you will. i won't back down.